While I was living with anxiety, I kept wanting to be my old self again. I was fine then, that old me was joking around, relaxed, trained, focused and I liked that. I was noticed and I functioned well. That old me didn’t have the consciousness I have now. He did not pay much attention to what he would give himself, what he would do, what thoughts he would choose. It was because he did not care about bringing me where I am today. It is better to never be the old version of yourself again, but the new one.
The old version of yourself can never be a part of you again because that way of functioning didn’t suit your personality and therefore got you where you are.
The point of changing yourself is not to dwell on security. A life based on security is a life based on fear. If you want everything tucked away, the way you imagined it and nothing outside of the box, you are afraid of life. That fear flows through your life because you don’t want to be different, you might lose control, you don’t know what awaits you in the future, how you will do it all… It’s catastrophizing in your head.
When you say: “From Monday I will try to change, I will do exercises etc”, what does that really mean? Trying means waiting. You tell yourself that you won’t change yet, and you convince yourself of that. Your subconsciousness does not want to change. After that, you say to yourself: “Well, at least I tried.” You already know that you will not succeed because “I will try” has no force. Instead, say “I will!” Change comes when you do it, not when you try it, because you can do it all your life. This is how you look at yourself and convince yourself that you are not strong enough. When you change the root of your subconsciousness, then you can be what you always wanted to be.
The second trap is: “I will wait until I change first, and then I will do it.” No one has succeeded in this. Change now, take that step regardless of your reluctance, because you will never be ready. If you say it is not the time yet, there is no change. Why is it so hard to make a change? First, you don’t know the new way of functioning because you haven’t experienced it. You did not walk bravely through life, but you took the path of least resistance. It’s hard to imagine how you should live. You are confused, you don’t know what to do. That is normal. First of all, you need to stay in that state with violent exercises so that the new program starts to develop in your head. You force yourself to do some things and if it doesn’t work, just do them until you start believing in what you are doing.
When you start to believe, it means that you have formed a new way of functioning and then you have entered into the change. It is quite normal not to know how to get there and what to do. We all know deep down what needs to be done, but when we start, we will fail. The reason for this is that there is no complete cycle of the successfully completed thing in your head where you can create an experience from what you have been violently doing. Once you’ve created a cycle of violent work, keep working until it clicks at some point. Then you will realize that it is amazing. You start to believe in yourself and everything you do. No waiting, use immediate resources. Work with what you have, create what is yet to come.
Don’t suffer for that old self because it brought you here. You have to go towards that idea and imagination of what you want to become, the new you that doesn’t have a vision yet and that you don’t believe in yet. Make it a priority and just keep going, despite the setbacks. When you see that change is possible, you’ll be fired up. Think about how you want to behave, what thoughts you have about it, what you do today can bring tomorrow. You have become aware that some things are bothering you and now, when your awareness has worked, think about what needs to be done in order to become what you have always dreamed of. Regardless of the fact that it doesn’t make sense today, it will make sense tomorrow.
There is a RD Manual that is just about changing yourself, so I highly recommend it.