I’m sure you know that disgusting moment when you feel bad, and you persistently try to get out of it. You literally cannot stand yourself and the situation, as if the energy around you has rotted. You feel that nothing makes sense. From those disgusting feelings we seek salvation. We are trying to save ourselves and fly out of that state.
When we jump out of something, it means that we are inside. We are introverted, we listen to our body and thoughts. That’s why we feel bad. Have you ever felt sick away from home, that is, outside of yourself? For example, you do some work that makes you happy and it diverts your mind and takes you from inside to outside. When we tell ourselves that we should focus on an imaginary point between our two fingers, without letting the attention go to any of the fingers, we will find that we cannot be within ourselves and do it.
So when we are inside, we feel bad and try to save ourselves. Why is it bad to save ourselves? When we tell ourselves that we want to save ourselves, it means that we are a disaster inside ourselves. The more I try to save myself, the more my subconsciousness thinks it’s worse off. By trying to get out, we confirm to ourselves that we are very unwell. It’s literally like letting a little mouse walk, and when you start chasing it, it runs faster and faster and becomes more and more of a fuss.
Say it’s not your thought and just watch them play. The problem arises when we identify with the personality of what we feel. We think it’s us, but it’s actually our emotions and thoughts. If you can observe them, then it is not you. Everything you see is not you! There is an Indian proverb NETI NETI “It’s not you, it’s not you”. Everything you can perceive is not you and there is no need to identify with nonsense because it leads to nothing. If we say that we managed to save ourselves from something, it means that we stored resistance somewhere. For example, when we had to go to work and we don’t want it, we suffocate, we feel disgusting and, in the end, we don’t go to work. In this way, we did not defeat ourselves, we did not overcome the situation, we identified with the feelings. The child in us was raging, and we were storing up resistance. We didn’t let him go out. We put it in a drawer and sealed it until the next time the body rebelled again. In the next situation, the same resistance will occur again.
When we tell ourselves that we are afraid of something, the consciousness turns to the subconscious, and you begin to observe yourself. Through the attention we give more to fear, experiences similar to that fear arise from our subconscious. Our subconscious is limitless, every movie you’ve ever seen has entered it. Imagine how many variations of scary scenes there are in your head. If you turn inward, it is logical that whatever is in your subconsciousness will come out. You will feel your limitation more and more. At some point you will experience a panic attack. On the other hand, when you turn outward, your subconscious patterns and limitations that you haven’t faced come flooding back. It’s not bad to turn inward, but you have to consciously go there, consciously experience each fear in order for it to come out.
As long as you try to save yourself, you will not save yourself. If it starts to float badly, precisely because you are trying to save yourself, you experience a bad feeling in your body. If you didn’t try to save yourself and let it hit you, you would be neutral and then the subconsciousness would make its own way and expel the feeling. However, you are floundering like in quicksand, trying to save yourself from pain and suffering, and because of this, it grows more and more. No way to let go and bear it. Everyone in this world who has overcome himself will tell you this story in a different way. The bottom line is this, there is no person who has become conscious without having this experience. Anyone who has defeated himself is still defeating himself today because we all have those moments when we want to save ourselves. People who defeated themselves, surrendered to the given moment. Imagine giving in to your worst feeling.
It happened to me many times that I got to the point where I was laughing because of the pain. I’m smiling, waiting for him to rip me off and pass once more. I’m looking for more negative emotions and I’m not afraid because everything will pass. Salvation is in the paradox of not needing to be saved. Now I can say,,It’s good, it will pass.”You ask to be hit harder, you ask for more experience, but be aware. If you are not aware, you will identify with a personality and emotions, which is not you.