You came from work and could not wait to come home to relax in a warm bath with a warm cup of tea and a book. The phone rings and your friend is calling at 8 PM and is explaining to you that he needs to do some task until tomorrow 12 PM. He is asking you to do that task for him because he can’t or does not know how. You accept to do this for him, because, dear Lord, he is your friend, why not. You are starting with the task and you feel nervous and unpleasant. In your mind, you are thinking that you could not wait to come home and chill out and that you are already tired. You are asking yourself what the heck was this for?
Really why? Why did not you say NO?
You often do things for others against yourself. First, you think that you will be a bad person if you reject something which has negative consequences on you. The second thing is that you have a strong feeling of guilt which easily gets triggered if you do not do what someone asked you to. The third, you are afraid that you will lose your friend if you do not do this for him because you subconsciously think that in order to be accepted you need to give to others. Fourth, maybe you want to show your superiority because you think you value more if you work for others. This is very draining on psychophysical level.
Bear in mind that people who ask for favours do not have limits and are always asking for more.
How to say NO?
1 – Get rid of all emotional obstacles that might appear as a potential reaction of another person. How do you feel at that moment? If you do not want to do something, just say so without fear, because if a person is truly a friend of yours, he/she will stick around despite your rejection. If a person is your friend only when asking for favours, then you do not need a friend like that.
2 – When you say NO, try to sound self-confident, without shaking voice or words like Well, oh, Ahm.. because you are giving space to another person to keep pushing and you already know you do not want it. You should not feel guilty, because remember, you are tired, and you do not feel like doing it. Why would do that to yourself?
3 – Remember you are a person with virtues and defeacts.
4 – Rembember you have the right to not want something.
Do not overwhelm yourself by accepting something you cannot handle, especially someone else’s duties. Each time just remember that overwhelming feeling when you accept something unwillingly. Set the boundaries and get rid of the title of someone who does things for others. Do this for yourself.
