The most disgusting feeling is when the onset of anxiety begins to develop during the day. We try to control the first one, the second, the third situation, the fifth, the tenth, so everything speeds up, everything flies, and then you get a feeling that you can’t describe in any way. That feeling is tension, anxiety, incapacitation, fogginess… One miracle. You have no idea what’s going on. “Ouch, not again!” “What will happen now?” While trying to get rid of this feeling, we go deeper and deeper, but nothing happens. We deepen it because we need to control the situation. Everything works that way until the moment we call confusion.
I don’t know if you’ve ever considered that confusion is actually a benefit. It is not good to use confusion since it tries to disable us from seeing our direction. Even when we have a direction and get confused, we lose it and retreat from what we have been going for. When we are confused, we primarily get attention by having our environment (family, partner, friends) observe us. They are sorry that this is happening to us, but actually just by watching us, we become the object of their attention. They unconsciously move towards us with their energy. He will think, “It is not easy for him, it is very difficult for him, what is wrong with him” etc. Confusion is a misinterpreted need to win love. We notice that they feel sorry for us, and we don’t want to be victims, we don’t want to be seen as weak and feel sorry for us. But when we get this kind of attention, we feel helpless and weak. It hurts us, we are sad, we think that life is cruel and miserable. We actually asked for attention with our own confusion.
Some people just don’t know any other way to attract love than to play the victim. If you feel confused, know that then you are surely in the position of a victim. It’s a disgusting feeling that drains you because you can’t get out of it and you feel sorry for yourself. If we are victims for a long time, we will become martyrs. Surely you know some martyr who constantly goes through some problems and for whom life is difficult. Usually such people say: “You see what I’m going through, and yet I go through life”, which in translation would mean “Give me love”. From that position, we start looking for advice, but we know exactly who won’t understand us and who should not be even asked. When we come across someone who we think will understand us, we start questioning him daily, thus seeking salvation.
It is very cunning and manipulative. When we ask others for advice, we don’t really want to take responsibility because we might screw ourselves up and get blamed. Constantly asking for advice is the need to remain a child and not to mature. We avoid growing up. We would like to be saved by mom or dad, who might not have been there for us, that is, for that child who misinterpreted the way his parents treated him. He wanted understanding and acceptance, and he got chocolate while mom had to work to feed him.
When we are confused, we reach for bad habits. Confusion is the permission we give ourselves to fall into bad habits. Let me eat, smoke a cigar, I’m grumpy… We excuse ourselves for not doing something by being confused. In fact, we create confusion so that we don’t grow up and take responsibility. What a trick that confusion is! We are running away, tricking ourselves, looking for mommy and daddy.
Take your life into your own hands and say enough to confusion. Decide that confusion will no longer be an excuse for living. The biggest benefit we get from being confused is avoiding everything and creating the illusion that we are too busy and therefore don’t need another responsibility. We retreat to our little room where we curl up and play the victim. We avoid the truth, change, facing fears, risks, conflicts, not to disappoint someone, etc.
Divide the piece of paper into two parts. Write on the left what confuses you, and on the right what you would have if you weren’t confused. Answer these questions and don’t let yourself one day be a cowardly old woman whose life has passed in confusion. Instead, make others proud of you.
If you have a desire to do various psychological tasks like this, I suggest you download textual sessions for personal growth.
